what a day..

this is what a friend got to say about my blog the other day! hehehe..

it has been a good day for me since last thursday. remember my 'go-see'? yeah it went beyond my expectation and i got it! ohmygaystars, i can't believe it. since i got the news, i've been on the cloud 9! fly to the moon and back, the feeling is like after a good multiple orgasm! hahaha..

i just got back from handling one event. the event went pretty well. although behind schedule, but nonetheless it end at the time expected. everyone had a good time and so am i. was dancing at the console area and the songs selection during party time is totally my kind of music and it end with Abba 'Thank You For The Music'... hmmm.. a little weird but what the heck, everyone was singing their heart out.. :)

am crawling back to bed and its 3 am.. tick tock tick tock..

joystick oh joystick..

some old 18sx joke but still crack me! thks ivan..

in english
that server gives a plug and play service to the clients using either hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the
port of the client.

some useful translations table:
Hardware = barangkeras

Software = baranglembut
Joystick = batang gembira
Plug and play = cucuk dan main
Port = lubang
Server = pelayan
Client = pelanggan

now, based on the above translation, this is how when you translate it to malay:

Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan  
menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira

itu  dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan.

those who get it in malay will laugh on this jokes.

头疼

true enough, i did not have much sleep last night. i woke up in the mid of sleeping now and then and i feel restless that i decided to wake up at 8 something and lazying on bed for a while. got up, talk to ivan on msn then shower then get ready for the 'go-see'. it went quite good but i do not what are my chances are cos i do not know how strong are others but anyway, they will let me know soon about it. also i did a few meet up today with few key people on going projects and workloads, and that means am pretty occupied today considering i have a lot time in my hand.

today, i have mixed feeling and i don't know why. after i got out from my 'go-see', i feel relieved, happy, still nervous and unsure on how i was doing in there just now. the big shot did the talking most of the time and i answered all of them question rationally. in mid afternoon, felt blood rushing to my brain and headache hit me. i have to sit for a while and gather myself up. the headache continued til late evening. this could be cause by lack of sleep previous night or cause by the weather. could be.

during my 'go-see', one of the candidate came talk to me and asked me whether am i there for 'go-see'? i said yeah and then keep asked me a lot of question to which to my annoyance i decided to continued to read some magazine and ignored her. from our conversation, i know that this person is a freshie and eager to explore the world. i can see her enthusiasm spirit and it make me think for a while.. in this competitive world, everyone is on the race and willing to do anything to win what best for them?

and so peeps, let the race begin... and i still got headache!

fear

fear (feer) - noun
a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc.,
whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of
being afraid; that which causes a feeling of being afraid.

i have fear constantly hunting me in my whole life. fear of losing something, fear of rejection, fear of fear of losing someone i love, fear on something that might happen in the future. it always there and i can't run away of it.

am going to 'go-see' later in the morning and i don't know what to expect as am going to see some big shot of the corporate body. and this cause make me having butterfly in my stomach and create a fear inside me. fear that i won't be as what i expected, fear of being rejected, fear that i offended them with i said, fear that i will fail in the 'go-see', fear that i fail impress them. what should i do? anyone know how to overcome fear? just take a deep breath and relax and breathe slowly to calm it down. does it work?

hopefully this fear will let me sleep tonight...

save me from myself...

have you ever feel that you been casted away from your life? at some point, you feel that you are living your live alone without anyone, sailing the boat alone, walking by the beach alone? for the pas few days, i have that exact feeling.

everytime i open up my eyes, i felt empty inside. i felt no one around me. it feels like i woke up and trap in a room where there is no window and am leaving helplessly in the dark. trying hard to reach out to anyone, someone, somebody. i feel breathless, nothing that i could hold on to and i fall on the ground, crying helplessly. where can i find peace to my heart?

the conversation that i needed seems far from sighted and the only communications i have is silence. my mouth sew with anger, frustration and depression. where can i lie down and forget the world?

hopping someone come and rescue me from this misery, but no one came. counting the days, hours, minutes, seconds as it passed by and it tortured me. my heart, my mind screaming and wanting to be heard. where can i find ear that will listen?

my eyes dried out. i couldn't cry anymore as there is no more tears in my eyes. i mourned too much on my lonely time in the dark. my body screaming every time i cry. no one comforting me. where can i find shoulder to cry on?

my hand tremble every time i look into the past. my feet barely stand every time i think about the future. lost in my directions in the dark. no hands to guide me. where can i find hands to guide me?

still, i sat in the dark and it feel cold. emptiness creeps in now and then. screaming inside out with no more tears flowing. am lost. where can i find ME so that i can save me from myself?

5.50 am, saturday

it is 550 am on saturday morning. I woke up from bed to took out my contacts lense as i slept with it earlier on and awake. Doozed off around close to midnight which rather unusual for me as am late sleeper and also consider myself an owl. But the feeling myself lying on bed is irresistible and my eyes close immediately, ignoring all the noise around me. Anyway, will try to crawl back to bed in a while. Mean time, staring at my bitlord as it downloading torrents file. Damn! am lifeless and pathethic...

oh, i can cross post to my old blog! how cool is that.. :)

We Have Moved To..

due to layout and personal preferences, this blog end here, further reading at http://djerniebirdie.multiply.com

however, i managed to cross-post my blog from multiply. so this blog will remain as active as i want it to be so those in this network could feed their senses with what i've been up to lately.

ciao
ernie

Ernie Returns!

@ KL Tower

Finally, I managed to secured a seat on a flight for my very long over due holidays. I really can't wait for the trip. I'll be seeing new faces and as well old faces. For the pas few nights, I have sleepless night as I've been thinking on what to expect during this trip. Am I going to hang out with anyone? Am I going to have culture shock (again?) or am I going with the flow? Whatever it is, I hope it will a good trip. I've been looking forward to this.

What I've been up to? Nothing much really, beside my usual schedule. With this trip, I'm really looking forward to filling up this space more and more. So, do watch out for this space in the coming weeks!